If pregnancy has taught me anything..

It's that I'm alot stronger than I thought. My ribs feel like they are molding into a different shape, and of course Silas is testing his boundaries which is also pushing my lungs up farther. I feel like poop. I'm exhausted, I can hardly breathe, I'm nauseated, I have heartburn and hemorrhoids. I have acne worse than my 14 year old brother. I hardly know my own bladder anymore.. It's like my bladder is one of those friends that you grow up with until you're like 15 and then they move away but they try to keep in contact for a little while, then they're just completely gone. I wonder if we'll ever be friends again. I get charlie horses in my legs on a daily basis, and yet somehow I still manage to drag myself out of bed every day.

+1 for Katie

Suck it pregnancy. I will beat you, and you will give me a mini-me version of my boyfriend.

Today is the first day of my last trimester by the way, in case you were wondering. [or maybe I already told you.. and I just forgot..?] Anyway, my dentist appointment is tomorrow and I am feeling super anxious about it. I never know if I'm going to feel it when they drill into my teeth. [which has been the case a few times, even after they numbed it.] I don't even know what they plan on doing to me. I was supposed to go in and see if I qualified for medicaid to pay for me to get a flipper or partial plate because I had to have a few of my front teeth taken out last year, and I left only knowing that I have 18 teeth that need fixing and I have a ton of wisdom teeth that need to be taken out. It really sucks, because I'm scared, and Jordan can't even go with me because he'll be at work. Even if he could come with me, they wouldn't let him into the back room with me because that's how that dentist office is.

Last time I was there I could hear a little girl and her mom in the next room, and the little girl was fidgeting and crying and the mom was trying to soothe her. Well when they left, the dentists went on and on about how they shouldn't have let the mom come back because she just got in the way and that supposedly children are alot better for the dentist when the parent isn't back there. I thought that was ridiculous, and I will be coming into the back room with Silas at EVERY appointment, no matter what it's for. Dentist, pediatrician, radiologist, whatever, you name it and damn straight I'll be back there.

What are your thoughts about doctors not letting parents go back with their children?

Cute ways to announce your pregnancy!

Are you really excited about your pregnancy? Do you want everyone else to be excited as well? Your next question should be: How do I announce my pregnancy without just coming out and saying it?

I will help you! I chose the easy way out and just told everybody, because I was so excited I just couldn't keep my damn mouth shut, but it doesn't have to be that way. There are tons of ways to announce your pregnancy.

Telling your family:

If you get an early ultrasound, make copies of it and place them in frames that say "I love my Grandma!", "#1 Grandpa!" ect. and mail them to your family members.

Plan a family dinner, hand out bibs to corresponding family members [give "I love my Grandma!" bibs to Grandmas to be, and "My Uncle is the best!" to brothers, ect.]

If you tell your family members about your pregnancy during the holidays, hand out personalized M&Ms that have your due date on them.

If you already have a child, you can have them wear a "I'm going to be a big brother/sister" t-shirts.

Order fortune cookies that announce that you're expecting, and your due date.

Take a picture of you and your boyfriend/husband, you holding 1 pink and 1 blue balloon, him holding a chalkboard that says "Coming on ___" [due date.] Make copies of the picture and send to all family members. This one is great too, because then after you find out the gender of your baby, you can take a picture of you letting go of the blue balloon if it's a girl, and letting go of the pink balloon if it's a boy!

Gather everyone for a family picture. When taking the pictures, have them "say cheese" a few times, and on the last picture you take, tell everyone to "Say [your name] is pregnant!" and snap a few pictures while it sinks in! You will forever have a picture of everyone's reaction to your announcement!

Buy tiny plastic babies and freeze them in water in an ice cube trey. Invite friends over for drinks [ofc you won't be drinking!!] and use the baby ice cubes for their drinks.

Telling your boyfriend/husband:

Replace the socks in his sock drawer with baby socks and booties.

Place baby booties next to his shoes, so that he see's them in the morning when he gets up for work!

Save the positive pregnancy test and put it in a box for him to unwrap, like a present.

If it's his first child, buy a keychain that says #1 Dad and place it on his keyring, see how long it takes him to notice and ask about it.

If it's around Christmas, buy a baby stocking to hang up, and buy a babies first ornament to hang on the Christmas tree.

Leave hints around the house, a baby bottle in the cupboard, baby shampoo in the shower, ect.


How did you tell your family/significant other that you're expecting??

I am bad at blogging.

 It's as simple as that. I am a terrible blogger. I love doing it, I just never have the time and I forget to do it [Damn pregnancy brain, I forgot my own birthday when picking up my vitamins awhile back.] I know I don't have many followers and it's not like ya'll care anyways, but here's an update on my life and my pregnancy.

 I got my anatomy scan done, and the little bugger was not shy at all! We're having a baby boy in December!! I am so excited, and Jordan could not be more happy! We named him Silas Niall Vanelzelingen. Here is an ultrasound picture for you:

 He's measuring right where he's supposed to be. I still haven't gone to any classes, or signed up at the pregnancy center that everyone keeps telling me to go to. My baby shower still isn't planned, invites haven't even been sent out and it's supposed to be next month! I'm starting to get worried about that to be honest. All we have so far is a bunch of clothes, a swing, and a highchair, as well as a few pacifiers. Oh and one of my lovely lady friends gave me a breast pump. [unused ofc.] I'm in the process of getting dental work done as well, the few of you that know me in real life know how much of a train wreck my mouth is. I have two dentist appointments this month. I also have a prenatal appointment this month, and an hour before that I have to do the hour glucose test. [which I am NOT looking forward too.]

 I'm trying very hard to find a work at home type job, that's not going very well. At this rate I'll have to find a job after my bubs is born if we ever want to get our own place. We could make it on Jordan's income, but it would be very tight. I'm in the process of getting my licence, so we'll be getting a car early next year, probably around tax time. I'm thinking about making an etsy account to sell stuff on.. Bows maybe? Bows are cute. I want to make things and sell them, but I'm not sure how profitable that is. Alot of work at home jobs just seem really awful, I don't think I could be a telemarketer. I hate when those people call my house, I couldn't imagine doing that for a living haha. I could make a profit off of this blog eventually I think, but it would take alot of time and hard work of course and lets face it, I'm just not interesting or good at writing. I also wouldn't mind writing a book, but again, I'm not good at writing.

I just don't know what to do with myself. I want to be a work at home mom. I want to stay home with Silas and still bring in money to help out. I need to figure this shit out soon though, I'm in my third trimester! 12 more weeks until my bubs is here and I still don't have my life figured out. Is that a bad thing? Does anyone have any advice?

Wives Tales

I'm sorry for not posting for awhile. I haven't been feeling the greatest, and when I am feeling semi-decent I'm busy. I know, I know, being sick has nothing to do with posting but believe me, when your sick you don't want to think about anything other than how much you are suffering!

I found this on another blog, It is old wives tails that supposedly predict the gender of your baby. It was correct for that lady, maybe it'll be correct for me too!


1. Pay attention to which way you lay down in bed tonight. If you prefer sleeping on your left side, you'll have a boy. Right side? Your pregnant with a girl.  [I sleep on both sides but I'm more comfortable laying on my right side.] = Girl

2. Upset Stomach? Little girls aren't always sweet. Extreme nausea means you are having a daughter. [I haven't thrown up alot but I sure have been nauseated.] = Girl

3. If your hands are dry during pregnancy, you are having a boy; soft -- expect a girl. [My hands are soft.] = Girl

4. Your favorite pregnancy foods may tell you what sex the baby is. If you're craving citrus while pregnant, you're having a girl. [I have only been craving ranch dressing, chocolate, and cheese. Not together though!] = Boy

5. If altering hormones makes your skin break out, expect a girl. [I have some seriously bad acne. I've got more zits than my 14 yr old brother.] = Girl

6. If your age and year of conception are both even or odd, it's girl. One even, one odd means a boy. [18 at conception in 2012.] = Girl


All signs point to girl! Jordan swears I'm having a girl as well, we'll see! My next prenatal appointment is at 16 weeks [which is on July 6th.] and I should be having an ultrasound done soon after that to determine gender and make sure everything is going as planned! 


Also it's gotta be a girl, my cousin Brent has a bet of 25 dollars riding on this!

I wasn't going to post today, but..

I had a busy busy day. Jordans sister just graduated! I'm very proud of her, doing something her brother and I couldn't do. I hope she succeeds in everything she sets out to do in life, and I'll be rooting her on along the way!

If I would have stayed in school, I would have graduated today also. I'm so glad I got to be there, and congratulate my class. There was nothing better than seeing all of my old friends and classmates graduate. I'm proud of all of you! I'm sorry I didn't have the patience to get through school and walk down that aisle with you guys. CONGRATULATIONS AGAIN CLASS OF 2012!!!!

This is the best one I could get of Sarah walking down the middle aisle after receiving her diploma. So proud!

I love this one. Jordan loves his sister to death, I wish it would have turned out a bit better, but it's still pretty adorable!

Sarah, and her mom [My soon to be mother-in-law!] Darci! They are beautiful, and full of tears.

Sarah with her mom and dad.

Sarah, Oma [That's what they call their grandma.] and Jordan.

I thought I'd add this cute picture of Jordan with his step-mom.

This one is for your benefit, so ya'll can see how crappy we take pictures together. Jordan just got out of work about two hours before we went to the graduation, that's why he looks like crap, but oh how I love him.

The bleachers hurt my butt, and all the clapping hurt my head, but I'm really glad I got to enjoy this night with Jordans family, we don't see them often enough. You are all invited to my baby shower!!

10 things I wish I knew before getting pregnant

All of my pregnant friends, and all of my mom friends have told me this, I'm sure you've heard it too.

                                                                "Pregnancy is wonderful!"

While I feel that the end result is worth it, I'm not so sure how wonderful pregnancy actually is! Here are a few things I wish I knew before I got pregnant, because I'm 11 weeks today and I'm still not prepared for some of the things that are happening to my body!

First, lets recap what we already knew:
1. Hormones suck. [I love you! Get away from me! That is so sad.. Ughh what the hell are you doing?!]
2. Gaining weight is inevitable with a growing thing inside of you.
3. Morning sickness happens.
4. Heartburn is a possibility later in pregnancy.
5. Prenatal vitamins are good for you.

Alright, a pretty short list but that just about sums it up. Now let us continue to the things we know now.
1. Damn right hormones suck. I didn't know how bad though. I can't watch comedy central because of those damned ASPCA commercials. I love animals as much as the next person, but I do not want to snot sob at a commercial a few minutes after laughing my ass off. Not only that, but I love my boyfriend. I really do love Jordan, but he just gets on my nerves for no reason at all. He will want to cuddle right? That's pretty normal for couples to do, we used to cuddle all the time. Oh man does it get on my nerves now though. Earlier for instance, we were just watching the movie "Grown Ups" and we weren't cuddling or anything. The movie ends, and I get up to get on the computer and suddenly he wants to fucking cuddle?? Oh hell no. Oh. Hell. No. That. Is. Not. Happening.

2. Yea, I knew I was going to gain weight. What nobody told me is that I'd feel like a whale this early. I normally don't even care about my weight but my whole body feels big and heavy and I'm not liking it. It makes me angry even. [See #1]

3. Hah. Hahahaha!!! Morning sickness. More like constant all day in your face sickness. Even if you're like me and you get lucky and aren't puking all the time [I've only thrown up twice] you probably still get nauseated. I know I do. Nausea is one of the worst things, not only do you feel like a whale with anger management issues, but your sick in bed all the time too. I was not prepared for this, I figured I'd throw up a few times and it'd be okay. Hahaha I was so wrong.

4. Heartburn. What does heartburn even feel like? I remember asking that question just a few months ago. Let me tell you, there is no logical way to explain how it feels. It feels like someone shoved a flamethrower down your throat and lit that sucker up. Yea, you all are asking "How do you know that? You're only 11 weeks along!" Lovelies, my heartburn started at 6 weeks. Stay away from spaghetti, pizza rolls, and burritos. [You should stay away from those things anyways.. but definitely stay away from them while pregnant.]

5. Prenatal vitamins ARE good for you. What nobody told you though is how awful they taste. These days it seems like prenatal vitamins go hand in hand with nausea. My friend brought me some gummy vitamins and I haven't even tried them yet. I know how icky the regular ones are.. these are gummy and I have to chew them. I'm scared that they'll taste icky as well and have to be in my mouth longer than the regular vitamin.

6. Pregnancy insomnia. It is the worst thing in the world. Imagine being tired and exhausted physically and emotionally. Got the picture in your head? Good. Now imagine not being able to sleep. Sometimes I just want to keel over and die. [But I don't. Because my baby would rather have an exhausted mom than a dead mom for sure.]

7. I hate clothes. Nobody ever told me how uncomfortable clothes would become. Everyone is always saying "Do this to fit into your pre-pregnancy jeans longer!"  Bitch please, I don't want to wear my pre-pregnancy jeans any longer. I want some skirts and some dresses and some big frothy tops, or better yet, how about nobody comes over and visits me throughout my whole entire pregnancy and I'll just run around in the nude. That sounds like a plan to me.

8. I have an aversion to sex. I just don't want it anymore. I knew that it was a possibility, but nobody told me how strong the aversion would be. Like I said, and I will say forever and ever, I love Jordan. He is my one and only, but every time he touches me I just wanna punch him. It might be related to the raging hormones, I'm really not sure.

9. More hormones. Every time I see a baby on TV I burst into tears. I knew I'd have some issues with hormones but from other peoples stories I didn't know that I would cry every time I seen the "Your doing okay Mom!" Johnsons baby commercial. [You can view that here.]

10. I never knew how much everyone else was going to be all up in my business. Everywhere I turn, I have people telling me how I should raise my kid [Whom I don't even know the gender of yet.] and it just gets a bit ridiculous. I enjoy talking to other moms, and I enjoy friendly advice. What I don't enjoy is when people say things like "You've got to breast feed." or I actually had someone tell me NOT to breast feed. Since when did what I do with my boobs become community knowledge? I will do what my midwife, Jordan, and I feel is best for my baby.

Oh and my mom told me she would disown me if I named my baby Dakota. Woman, you named your babies, let me name mine. I will do just fine thank you.

Although I am contemplating naming my little one Dakota just to piss off my mom. I happen to think it's a cute name for a boy OR a girl. What do you guys think?

Things to know about being a gamer parent.

More and more these days serious gamers are becoming parents. [You bet, including me!] I can get down on some World Of Warcraft yo. Being a gamer, I know a lot of people who think gamers would make terrible parents. That has real possibility to be true, but you can't group all gamers together like that. One bad apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch. I for one, feel that gaming is a great way to bond, not only with my future child but with my boyfriend as well. When we get in a fight, we go do things on World of Warcraft and everything goes back to normal. No more fight! [This usually ends with a "Get your stupid ass on skype yo, lets arena." and an "Alright but I gotta do something real quick first."]

Now first and foremost, I wan't to let this be known, I would never let my kid play as much video games as I play. There would be a limit, and I would start them at an appropriate age.

The benefits of letting your child play video games:

If you let them play online, they develop better communication skills. [The best thing to do when letting them play online is to monitor their gameplay. You can control your children, but adults have a hard time controlling themselves. Try to find a community of people who also have kids who game.] 

Computer games like WoW or Guild Wars are great for many things. They learn to type faster, and spell better. [Jordan, before he started wow he could only type a couple words a minute. It's truly amazing how much he's improved.] I also think games like this are great for bonding when your child gets a bit older, like I said earlier. There's nothing like getting together with family and friends to quest or dungeon. Games like this also help your child build a sense of economy if you teach them how to use the auction house. 

Xbox or PS3 racing type games teach hand eye coordination. [They are also very fun to play with a couple people, yay more bonding time!] 

Most games induce decision making and problem solving skills as well as perception and reaction skills. Video games teach children to think on their feet. Games also improve visual attention. Children who game are also more aware of their surroundings.

There are also a ton of video games out there that are made specifically for teaching your children, they teach math, reading, science among others.

Any of you gamers out there have anything to add? Writing this one was tough, but I'm positive most gamers have what it takes to be great parents, and I hate that a few bad apples ruin societies view of us all. 

Being new to something sucks!

As you all know, I'm new around here. I'm not going to sugar coat it, I suck at writing. I read all these other blogs, and there's always these snarky comments that make me laugh so uncontrollably that I fear I may miscarry or there's also those really touching stories that make me snot sob like a child who found out Santa isn't real. I try, I really do. I love writing, it's a great passion for me. I try my best to not use words that I don't know, I try to be personal about it, and even though my pinky is killing me now, I always capitalize my I's.

I've got 45 page views now, though I suspect most of them are from my friends on facebook re-trafficking and not 45 actual separate blog views.  I've got one follower, who happens to be my boyfriends mom. [Hi mom hi! thanks for being my only follower!] While I'm excited to know that people actually read my posts, I'm also sad because not many people have read them. Jordan won't let me buy my domain until I have a steady reader base of at least 150 pageviews a day. [He brings home the bacon so he gets to decide things like that, much to my displeasure.]

I just wanted to let everyone know that I may not be funny, or gifted at writing, but I try. I'm also a pro Google user and I plan to post every day at least once, if not a few times so bear with me!

Also, please comment, like, share, and follow or subscribe via email! Help me get my domain name from my stubborn boyfriend!

Pregnancy fears, and why you shouldn't worry!

Every expecting mom knows these fears. I know why I shouldn't worry and I still have them! I personally have spent many sleep deprived nights on Google while suffering from insomnia. [Hello every single stinking thing that has ever ran through my head while I try to sleep.] They gnaw at you like untrained puppies, always nipping at the back of your mind. It makes it hard to put on a happy face. Well lucky for you, Google and me are best buds, and I will tell you why you shouldn't worry!

Real pregnancy fears:
1. Miscarriage: Not only is this a normal fear for every momma to be out there, it's also a very real fear. I've experienced it myself and it does happen. If it does happen to you know that you're not the only one, you're not alone, and it's not your fault. It will get better, and you can always try again. I know that's not very great advice, but I promise you'll pull through it. I pulled through so I know you can! Also, familiarize yourself with the statistics. 75% of miscarriages happen in the first trimester. Less than 20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. A healthy woman has about a 15-20% chance of miscarriage in the first trimester. You're basically home free after that, as your risk drastically drops, and around 14 weeks your chance of miscarriage drops to around 1%. The reason you shouldn't worry is because it's very common, and there's nothing you can do to prevent it other than eat healthy and sleep well. I worry because I can't sleep well, and as you know I'm a pig and I eat everything. I try really hard though! [Oink oink!]

2. Hurting the baby inside the womb: Sometimes I have this fear, when I stand up too fast, or sit down too fast, or run into something, or lay on my stomach "Oh damn did I hurt my baby?!" I have this fear because I often feel a slight pinching feeling around my groin area, and I'm not positive what it is. You shouldn't worry because almost anything you do to your body won't hurt your baby. Not only is your baby protected by your uterus, but also by the amniotic fluid. Just try not to bump into stuff too hard or fall. [I know it's hard to not fall, since your center of gravity is about a foot in front of you now!] And for shits sake, if your in an abusive relationship, leave that asshole immediately. It's not safe for you or baby.

3. Eating or drinking the wrong things: Will this piece of chocolate cake give my baby ADHD from all that sugar? Will indulging in my favorite foods give my baby birth defects? What about soda, everyone is talking about how coffee is a big no-no but nobody said anything about Pepsi!? Help! You shouldn't worry about this, because at your first prenatal visit your doctor will tell you all the big no-no foods. [Make sure ya'll are nukin that deli ham in the microwave!] You're allowed one cup of coffee a day, If you don't drink coffee I assume 2 cans of soda a day can't hurt anything considering it's a lot less caffeine than coffee. Your sugar intake won't give your baby a hyper disorder, but you should still limit yourself. It might make your baby a bit fatter, and it might make you feel a bit crappier, and everyone knows you don't need to feel any crappier during these next few months! If you do have any concerns that weren't talked about at your first visit, you can always call your doctor or midwife, that's what they are there for!

4. Something really gross or embarrassing will happen during delivery: My most common fear is what if I poop while I'm pushing? Well put that fear behind you and don't worry because if you do, you probably won't even notice and the doctors will clean it away asap. Not much can gross a doctor out, they've seen it all. Remember, they deliver babies about 5 or 6 times a day. If you poop on the table, they aren't going to laugh or get grossed out or anything, they've seen it already and it's actually very common.

5. I won't make it to the hospital in time: I've read many a horror story about this happening. A mom who birthed just outside the hospital on the pavement, a mom who birthed in a cab, a mom who birthed in a grocery store. You shouldn't worry, because unless you're one of those rare women who didn't know they were pregnant in the first place, you'll be watching out for every possible sign of labor and you'll definitely know when your contractions start and by now hopefully you know how to time them out!

6. I won't be a good mom: I've never done this before, this is my first baby. I fear I won't be a good mom because [Insert negativity here.] Let me tell you, you will be a wonderful mom. If you're here, on this website looking for helpful information about pregnancy, or you're on other websites or always calling your midwife or reading all of the baby books, you will be a fantastic mother. I'm 18 right now, yea I'm a bit young, and as you know we've tried before [When I was 17.] Being a good mother has nothing to do with age, I've known 15 year olds who are wonderful mothers. [I'm by no means saying to go out and get pregnant if you're 15 or 18 or whatever age, but I am saying that if it happens, make the best out of it and you'll do great!] They were very surprised and scared at first, but every woman has that maternal instinct and you'll be surprised how naturally it kicks in. If I can do it at 18, and other girls can do it at 15, no matter what age you are, I'm positive you've got what it takes!

Hike up them maternity pants, pop that prenatal vitamin, and stop worrying about things you have no control over. Everything will be just fine!

Pregnancy Rule #1

There are literally hundreds of pregnancy rules. [Although they're more like guidelines.] The first one is:

Stay away from cravings: Eat healthy!


I'm not typically someone you would want to take eating advice from, I stuff my face from the time I get up to the time I go to bed. I do try to be healthy, but I find myself breaking rule #1 often. I don't look at labels. [Except juice, high fructose corn syrup is the enemy!] However, I will make a guide on this post and try to follow it. I already do some of this already, I just need to stick to it better.

[You can find meal planners all over the internet, here's one of the many that I'm using.]

Keep in mind that this is tailored to my liking, you can change anything up and use it as your own!

Grain: 6 to 8 ounces a day.
2 bagels a day [One in the morning, and one before bed.]
1 sandwich [Two slices of bread is two ounces. Eat after lunch/before dinner or after dinner as a snack.]
1 bowl of pasta [Lunch. 1/2 cup of pasta is one ounce, a whole bowl should top off your 6 to 8 ounces.]

Fruits: 2 cups a day.
Make sure you vary in the colors of fruit you eat, and try to eat fresh fruits over the canned kind. I eat my fruits as a snack during the day.
Grapes [One cup.]
Bananas [I think one would = one cup. eat two just in case!]
Any kind of fruit will do, but grapes and bananas are my favorite! Sadly I'm allergic to strawberries, or they would be on the list too.

Vegetables: 2 1/2 to 3 cups a day.
Like the fruit, for maximum nutrition make sure you vary the colors. This one is tough for me, vegetables are not my friend.
Carrots [One cup. With dinner or lunch.]
Corn [Half cup. With dinner.]
Lettuce [Half cup. On your after lunch/before dinner or after dinner sandwich.]
Potatoes [Half or Full cup with dinner, or make fresh french fries with lunch.]

Meats and Beans: 5 1/2 to 6 1/2 a day.
Choose lean meats and limit your fish intake to 12 ounces a week, any more than that can introduce your baby to harmful amounts of mercury. My grandma makes my dinner every day. We are living with her right now and if we were not with her I wouldn't be eating as healthy as I am. That's a story for another time though. [Don't worry, it's not an eating disorder story!]
Ham [A few small lunch meat pieces on my sandwich. Make sure you nuke it in the microwave first!]
Chicken
Beef
Turkey
Pork

Milk, Yogurt, Cheese: 3 cups a day.
A cup of dairy equals 1 cup of milk or yogurt, 1 1/2 ounces of natural cheese, and 2 ounces of processed cheese. Low-fat varieties give you all of the nutrition without the extra fat. 
Milk [1 cup a day.]
Yogurt [I eat one small container a day, its probably about half a cup. I eat the kind with fruit pieces mixed in.]
Cheese [1 1/2 cup a day. the type depends on what else I'm eating. I eat cheese on my sandwiches, and with my bagels, and sometimes with potatoes depending on how they are made.]

Oils: 6 to 8 teaspoons a day.
I don't even know what to do with this one. The best sources are canola oil, olive oil, safflower oil, fatty fish, avocados, nuts, seeds, and olives. I can't stand the taste of olives, but my grandma does cook with olive oil sometimes. I guess I'll start eating nuts!

This isn't on the list, but it should be. Make sure you drink lots and lots of water! Six 8 ounce glasses a day at least!

That sure is a lot to take in! Does anyone have any advice on how to kick my junk food habit? Any recipes for healthy snacks?

Story Time.

Today, I am 10 weeks, 5 days pregnant.

My boyfriend and I have tried to conceive before, but sadly that ended up in a miscarriage at 5 weeks. Early, I know, but that didn't make it any easier as I had already begun to feel excited! The pain was crushing, the news of what was actually happening was even worse. We tried to keep our hopes up, I had gone to see my midwife just a week before. When I started bleeding I called her immediately and she told me to go into the emergency room.

They said that because of the bleeding, it was a threatened miscarriage but they also said that my cervix was still closed, so we took hope from that. I was prescribed bed-rest, so I went home, I lay in bed, and I watched movies until I fell asleep, Only getting up to check my blood flow and change my pad. The bleeding didn't stop and the pain only got worse. It was really a miscarriage. This was happening to me.

Before I go on, I must tell you that I don't believe in religion, I have some serious doubts about it and I am a very opinionated person. Even though I have no readers yet, I know this could potentially make a lot of people angry. I'm sorry, I respect your religion, but this is my blog, and its my life and what I believe doesn't have to be what you believe. *Adapts a thick skin*

Now then, where was I?

When I told my family the news, most of them were sad, but some tried to shrug it off saying things like "It was your babies time to go, He/She is with god now."  All I could think about was if god is so great, and so good, and all knowing and loving and benevolent, why would he take my baby before it was born? Before it could grow, and love, and laugh, and experience the world? I would never start a religious debate like that with my family, I respect that they are Christian, and they accept that I am not. But I wanted to scream at them, how could they love something that took my unborn baby a few days after "giving" it a heartbeat? [They gave me an ultrasound when we went to the ER, and my baby had a heartbeat of 48 a minute, very slow but the fact that it was there gave us hope.] To me, god sounded more like a demon than anything. I kept my outburst to myself, I ranted and raved about it to my boyfriend [I should probably tell you that his name is Jordan, and he is wonderful, I love him so much and I'm very happy to have him in my life.] He shares my views but isn't as opinionated as me.

After I calmed down, he said to me "Babe I'm sad too, but we can always try again. It's not the end of the world." Of course I wanted to smack his face, this was most definitely the end of the world. But I didn't, and life went on. 9 months, a missed period, and a pregnancy test later it was time to call the midwife again!

I was a wreck of nerves. I said to myself "Just make it past five weeks, you'll be alright. Your baby will be alright!" I got to five weeks, I had my first prenatal visit. I got to 6 weeks, I had an early ultrasound to make sure everything was going smoothly, I got to hear my babes heartbeat. [Jordan and I both snot sobbed like children with scraped knees.] I got to 7 and 8 and 9 weeks. I'm past the 10 week mark. two more days will mark 11 weeks, and one more week to go until I get to hear that thudding again. 128 beats at 6 weeks and two days baby, what you got this time?

Bring it on, I'm so ready!