10 things I wish I knew before getting pregnant

All of my pregnant friends, and all of my mom friends have told me this, I'm sure you've heard it too.

                                                                "Pregnancy is wonderful!"

While I feel that the end result is worth it, I'm not so sure how wonderful pregnancy actually is! Here are a few things I wish I knew before I got pregnant, because I'm 11 weeks today and I'm still not prepared for some of the things that are happening to my body!

First, lets recap what we already knew:
1. Hormones suck. [I love you! Get away from me! That is so sad.. Ughh what the hell are you doing?!]
2. Gaining weight is inevitable with a growing thing inside of you.
3. Morning sickness happens.
4. Heartburn is a possibility later in pregnancy.
5. Prenatal vitamins are good for you.

Alright, a pretty short list but that just about sums it up. Now let us continue to the things we know now.
1. Damn right hormones suck. I didn't know how bad though. I can't watch comedy central because of those damned ASPCA commercials. I love animals as much as the next person, but I do not want to snot sob at a commercial a few minutes after laughing my ass off. Not only that, but I love my boyfriend. I really do love Jordan, but he just gets on my nerves for no reason at all. He will want to cuddle right? That's pretty normal for couples to do, we used to cuddle all the time. Oh man does it get on my nerves now though. Earlier for instance, we were just watching the movie "Grown Ups" and we weren't cuddling or anything. The movie ends, and I get up to get on the computer and suddenly he wants to fucking cuddle?? Oh hell no. Oh. Hell. No. That. Is. Not. Happening.

2. Yea, I knew I was going to gain weight. What nobody told me is that I'd feel like a whale this early. I normally don't even care about my weight but my whole body feels big and heavy and I'm not liking it. It makes me angry even. [See #1]

3. Hah. Hahahaha!!! Morning sickness. More like constant all day in your face sickness. Even if you're like me and you get lucky and aren't puking all the time [I've only thrown up twice] you probably still get nauseated. I know I do. Nausea is one of the worst things, not only do you feel like a whale with anger management issues, but your sick in bed all the time too. I was not prepared for this, I figured I'd throw up a few times and it'd be okay. Hahaha I was so wrong.

4. Heartburn. What does heartburn even feel like? I remember asking that question just a few months ago. Let me tell you, there is no logical way to explain how it feels. It feels like someone shoved a flamethrower down your throat and lit that sucker up. Yea, you all are asking "How do you know that? You're only 11 weeks along!" Lovelies, my heartburn started at 6 weeks. Stay away from spaghetti, pizza rolls, and burritos. [You should stay away from those things anyways.. but definitely stay away from them while pregnant.]

5. Prenatal vitamins ARE good for you. What nobody told you though is how awful they taste. These days it seems like prenatal vitamins go hand in hand with nausea. My friend brought me some gummy vitamins and I haven't even tried them yet. I know how icky the regular ones are.. these are gummy and I have to chew them. I'm scared that they'll taste icky as well and have to be in my mouth longer than the regular vitamin.

6. Pregnancy insomnia. It is the worst thing in the world. Imagine being tired and exhausted physically and emotionally. Got the picture in your head? Good. Now imagine not being able to sleep. Sometimes I just want to keel over and die. [But I don't. Because my baby would rather have an exhausted mom than a dead mom for sure.]

7. I hate clothes. Nobody ever told me how uncomfortable clothes would become. Everyone is always saying "Do this to fit into your pre-pregnancy jeans longer!"  Bitch please, I don't want to wear my pre-pregnancy jeans any longer. I want some skirts and some dresses and some big frothy tops, or better yet, how about nobody comes over and visits me throughout my whole entire pregnancy and I'll just run around in the nude. That sounds like a plan to me.

8. I have an aversion to sex. I just don't want it anymore. I knew that it was a possibility, but nobody told me how strong the aversion would be. Like I said, and I will say forever and ever, I love Jordan. He is my one and only, but every time he touches me I just wanna punch him. It might be related to the raging hormones, I'm really not sure.

9. More hormones. Every time I see a baby on TV I burst into tears. I knew I'd have some issues with hormones but from other peoples stories I didn't know that I would cry every time I seen the "Your doing okay Mom!" Johnsons baby commercial. [You can view that here.]

10. I never knew how much everyone else was going to be all up in my business. Everywhere I turn, I have people telling me how I should raise my kid [Whom I don't even know the gender of yet.] and it just gets a bit ridiculous. I enjoy talking to other moms, and I enjoy friendly advice. What I don't enjoy is when people say things like "You've got to breast feed." or I actually had someone tell me NOT to breast feed. Since when did what I do with my boobs become community knowledge? I will do what my midwife, Jordan, and I feel is best for my baby.

Oh and my mom told me she would disown me if I named my baby Dakota. Woman, you named your babies, let me name mine. I will do just fine thank you.

Although I am contemplating naming my little one Dakota just to piss off my mom. I happen to think it's a cute name for a boy OR a girl. What do you guys think?